Chapter #1.1: Her safety was never his concern.

Amanda didn't particularly like talk radio, but there was nothing else on and most would agree that songs on mainstream radio get old really fast. Even the songs you loved and turned up when they come on the radio a week ago now make you want to change the station on the first note. So little change made the radio stagnant and irritating and made an annoying metaphor for her life lately.

Out of spite, she changed the station again to another talk show. The last show was talking about the current situation of a middle-eastern country that we were currently occupying. An important subject, but she wasn't in the mood. The new station was a religious show talking about the love you can only find through Jesus; the next station was about kids who live in the street; next was a commercial about buying a new Volvo. After that, was NPR having a discussion about the tragedy at Virginia Tech in the Spring of '07. Once again, an important subject, but still not in the mood. She finally resigned to turn off the radio and listen to the world outside her car door window. All the C.D.s in her car were scratched up beyond use. She didn't have to listen to anything coming out of the speakers, but what she did need is some sort of distraction from things going on in her head. Things she didn't want to think about and people she didn't want to deal with.

                 

Mostly about her ex whose car she was driving. He agreed to let her borrow it while she was looking for a new one to get to and from work. He had an extra car and didn't mind letting her use it since it was a piece of shit anyway. It wasn't the safest car on the road, but she knew her safety was no longer a concern of his and she wondered if it ever was.

The car was a mess. Half hers and half his. They had yet to clean it out and separate each-others stuff since they ended their relationship a month before. She was reminded, in the rearview mirror, of a pair of panties that were by the back window, that was hers but had started an argument a few weeks ago because she thought they were someone else. On the gear shift was a bracelet he gave Amanda long ago, but she ended up throwing back at his chest during another argument. She smirked at the fact that it ended up in the car she was borrowing and that she could probably take it now and he would be none the wiser.

And on the sun visor, she saw a picture of them together at the beach from the previous summer, back when they both cared about each other and ski-ball stuffed animal prizes were treasured. She ripped the picture off and tossed it out of the window, but couldn't help watching it drift in the air behind the car in the side view mirror until it flew over the edge of the bridge she began to cross. She knew it would slowly fall to the river below where it would be forgotten. Another memory that fell casualty due to their failed relationship.

Distracted by this though, she ran into the right curb of the Hawthorne bridge causing her to over compensate and hit the left curb and shave a milometer of rubber off her already bald tires. Wide eyed, she slammed on her breaks causing traffic behind her to slam on theirs and drew a single accusatory honk. The last thing she needed to deal with was two car accidents in the same month. Thankfully, this wasn't the case. And as if catching its cue, the rain started falling. Amanda hit the wipers that screeched with each wipe and rolled up her window which screeched with each turn of the window nob. Rain was a predictable forecast in the City of Roses, she knew it better as the City of Thorns. 

Suggested listening:  Portland Rain by Everclear